Where the Road Curves Vs. Where it Ends

Dear Surfers,

Its been a while, but that has been the case with every single article I post. And there's nothing to blame for that but myself, my laziness, and the fact that I have never properly invested my time in doing the things I love to do until now. You all can see a list of to-dos, or more like "to-learn", from a couple of years ago, and when I disappear after each post you must be thinkin' "Oh, this girl's out there living her life and doing all the things she planned to do and learning how to do them". Well I'm not. I might have done a thing or two, or planned to do them, because that's all I knew what to do, but I haven't achieved what I would really love to achieve.

The thing is, I woke up a couple of weeks ago in dispair. I suddenly realised that 1- what I do for a living is not what I really wanna do for a living. 2- I've been planning for the things I want to become or side businesses I want to start without real actions. And 3- this is taking me in circles and I am going nowhere!
Now this freaked the hell out of me. Ok, now I've always loved math, and in college, there was no subject that I enjoyed more than accounting. Hold on that's a lie, I loved psychology and religions of the world and enjoyed them way more but these were electives. But I knew that when I graduate, I wanted to be a full time accountant, I even wanted to take specialised certifications in that field. And now that I am an accountant, I would do anything to get out of that job without having to quit again.

So I started to ask myself some questions. What do I want to do for a living? To answer that I needed to dig into myself and find out what I enjoy doing, as hobbies!, which I could still turn into a valuable skill and therefore a career and source of living. I could have answered that to myself easily. But I decided that I couldn't take the risk of making another mistake in making such a decision at my age, and realising years later again that I have made the wrong choice and have to start all over again. I turned to what I like to call my "Uncle Google". He gave me a career test, which enlightened me to something called the "Myers-Briggs 16 personality types". The career test was basically a personality test, once a personality type was defined for you, you get ideas of what you might be good at.

Now here's the funny part, three of the career recommendations for the 2 types I turned out to be a mix of, are three things I have already "PLANNED" to invest myself into. But none of those plans have yet seen the light, they might have seen a glimpse of it, but not the full thing yet.

So here's the bottom line. Here's the moral of this continuous blabbering of mine. Here's what I would like each one of you to keep engraved in your minds and your children's minds, and your siblings and your friends and anyone you find in a position of choosing a career or being lost not knowing where to start. Wait, what was I trying to say?
JK, keep in your mind that a life changing decision should always be done after a proper research. Dig into yourself and you will find the answer within you. Don't make hasty decisions that will make you end up depressed, like I am right now. Take your time and make sure to do something you love, because if you don't like what you do then you wouldn't wanna continue doing it.
And after 9 years made of 6 jobs, yes that's alot of getting bored and switching jobs, I realised this is why I was getting bored! I freakin' hate my job.

After I've blabbered my heart out to you surfers, let me leave you with a quote:

"If you want to be successful, its just this simple. Know what you are doing, love what you are doing, and believe in what you are doing." ~ Will Rogers

Surf Safely,
Dreamer!

A Time to Become

Time flies, it feels like the more we grow up, the more we are speeding up the cycle of Earth & Sun. Just yesterday I remember wearing my graduation gown and walking amongst my best friends to the stage. I remember the cheers of parents, families and friends, as we received our degrees. I remember celebrating with my family and friends afterwards, but it wasn’t yesterday, it was 3 years ago!

I had big plans, looking back at the past 3 years, I believe I have achieved none. Time truly flies, and its on us. While we are still young, while we still have our health, its on us to make sure time doesn’t fly us by. We are busy becoming social personalities and celebrities, trying to get those 1M followers, and we lose our sense of time, we lose the time to become.

Although the month already started, I decided that as of today, this month will be social media free. I promise to dedicate my last month of 2017 to learn how to reach out to people, talk to people, meet people, and be more physically social. I will be dedicating December to spending time with my family and friends, and not just sending a snap to them everyday. Social media has wasted enough of our years. I will be also focusing on doing things I love, learning new things, and getting , excuse me for the next word, my shit together.

When I started writing this post, I didn’t know what I was getting to. I didn’t know I was starting this. Now that I have, the title seems just right for it. Now the time has struck 12AM, its December fourth, if anyone would like to join me at this, please feel free to.

Lets use this hashtag and let people know before we disappear for 28 days: #SoulRehab

Use your time wisely, be active, go on adventures, meet new people, hangout with friends, do stuff you like and learn things you know you always wanted to learn. You can and will achieve more than you think.

P.s: whatsapp is a social media app.


Surf safely!
Dreamer

I Stand Alone

‪And here I stand all alone, looking at the sky so wide, the earth so plain, the oceans so vast, and I'm standing, in the middle, memories flashing, trying to spot the mistakes made. But it was a series of mistakes, a sky so wide mistake, an earth so plain mistake, an ocean so vast mistake, and I stand all alone.‬

We Judge People, And Then Expect Not to Be Judged

Konbanwaaa!

So its been a while, as usually -.-'' , I hope the little number of readers I had didn't give up on me yet.

I couldn't help it but to be annoyed when I told my dad that I was going to my friend's house for a Christmas party, and he said that they will all be drinking. Then I explained to him that the parents don't drink nor allow their sons to drink at home. And when I used the word religious to describe them, he laughed and said what are they "Mutawa'a"?! (Mutawa'a or Mulla is the word Muslims use for religious people, known to have long beards as well). It annoyed me specially, because I rarely become friends with Christians (I rarely get the chance so nothing personal), but when I do, they always show me a lot of respect and kindness, and understanding to our religion and its limits.

People judge a lot depending on a person's religion. Americans see a long bearded man and say "Talibaan" or "Terrorist". Muslims see a Christian and think "Drinker" or "Playboy". We think of all Jews as Israeli, Islam and Palestinians haters. While I have heard of Jews who have died trying to defend Palestinians. One Muslim doesn't represent all Muslims, and being a Muslim doesn't describe the person I am, but only a part of who I am. And the same goes to all religions. It is stereotyping, we should stop that as well.

We do it without thinking, and get angry when it is done to us without thinking. We see a car driven slowly and using indicators, we say "Women!" or "Malbariiiis", NO OFFENSE TO EITHER. A guy bumps into you while walking, and he's a pervert. The examples are too many. We don't think that maybe, if we stop doing it ourselves, it won't be done to us. Because "Karma is a Bi**h", excuse the language. Maybe if each person thought to start it from within themselves, the world will become a better place.

Honestly, I do it myself. I am not perfect, and nobody is. There is something in Islam that doesn't allow us to judge, it is called حسن الظن (Husn Althann), which means that whenever we see something we always have too look at it from the good angle, to assume the better. We don't do that. We should..

The world is bad already. I believe that it can be better, but its us that make it worse. Just think before you speak, and start the change,, From Within.

Surf Safely,

Dreamer!

Attachment

Hey readers.. or nobody, sometimes I feel nobody reads my blog, but that actually kinda encourages me to write more, because it feels more secure. I'm the type of person that likes to be secure, and not get attached to things because it will not go away easy. I even stopped having tea in the morning because the day that I don't, or when I wake up early, I get a headache.

So there's this app called Memoir that I downloaded a while ago, and then deleted, but I'm still registered and it still can access my social accounts because I didn't stop that. The app basically syncs all your social accounts, even accesses the pictures and videos you take with your phone and things you receive on whatsapp and other IM apps, and then it creates a board of all your memories. Now that I deleted the app I don't have the board anymore, but since I didn't delete the account I still get emails from them. Once in a while, it surprises me with a memory that happened exactly a year ago from this day.

Now getting to my point, a year ago yesterday, I tweeted "Didn't think it was possible But I think I forgot.... Almost". The truth is, I was more like wishing I could forget. When you get attached, it takes a lot of effort to dis-attach, and the more you are attached the more its harder. The tweet was about a person who was..is..will always be important to me, no matter what I say or do. You could try, and try, and keep trying. Replacement could be an answer, but when deep inside you, you don't really want to forget, which I am in this case, it won't work. Getting busy on the other hand could help, a little, or a lot. And when I have just finished college and quit my job and haven't found one yet, it is quiet hard to not think about that person.

Speaking of attachments, doesn't Outlook (formerly Hotmail) suck, is very slow and keeps hanging when you try to attach? Whenever it happens I open my Gmail and VOOM! the email is sent. Sometimes I think of totally switching to my Gmail but the problem is most of my subscriptions are on Hotmail and I am to lazy to switch. I guess I'm attached to Hotmail huh?!

Umm, OK back to the subject..

So here's a piece of advice for all of you out there, or for myself maybe, don't ever get attached to anyone. Love from the bottom of your heart, live your life to the fullest, enjoy and make something out of yourself and let no room be for regret. But don't let people pull you down, and never wait for people to make your day, make it for yourself. Its a matter of limitations, or maybe balancing, that people need to learn. Its hard, I know, but that's how life is.

P.S: Ukh, I know I keep saying that I'll blog more but I don't eventually, I should really change that. OK I promise, one more blog post this week. Want a hint about what is it?.. Remember all the things I wanna learn?.. It's a part of it ;)

That's it for now.

Surf Safely Readers, or Nobody,
Dreamer!

The Jack of All Trades, Master of None

I think I'm cursed. I haven't regretted anything that I have done in my life until now, because I'm sure God knows whats best for me and that all what I do is Written in my books by him and I have faith in him. But I certainly feel lost, clueless, and just really really cursed. Don't get me wrong, I mean I know I just said I believe in God's well and at the same time I said that I am cursed, but that curse is made by me and for me; I'm cursed inside my head.

I don't like complimenting myself at all, I hate being complimented by others even. But, I know I'm smart, I can be successful in my life, I can. But I'm cursed by not knowing what I'm best at, what I should adopt in myself and be devoted to train and develop in myself so I can make a career and a life out of it. And because of that damn curse, I have been jumping around learning all sorts of different things which ended me up with being the Jack of All Trades and Master of None.

As much as I love knowing so many different things, as much as I hate it. I don't know what to do with it or what I must do with my life.

People starts using it as well, like wherever I work. They see me as an "All-in-one" person, just like a printer, and then they start shuffling me around at work. Employers actually always look for that type of person, they find it cheaper for them, just like buying an All-in-one printer.

I took a break,Finally. I quit my job, and I'm about to finish with my bachelor. I'm gonna take my time, although its gonna be hard to be jobless and do nothing, and the hyper type!. But its for the best.

I might eventually find myself, or maybe myself will find me.. :P

Anyways I know I must have given you all a headache.

Surf safely,

Dreamer!.

Do You Wanna Give Up?

Do you ever feel like you want to shut down everything? Like if only there was an off button to all the things that you can't take anymore? I mean there's always a limit for bullshit, and it isn't so much of it that a person take before he/she starts blowing up. Sometimes I feel that my bomb already blew, and I am shattered pieces of my old self, leftovers. And sometimes, I feel that no, I can take a bit more, just wait for a couple of months and then make a change, for now everything is bearable.

Look, I am not the type of person that when my life is bad, I'm depressed all the time - I hate that person. I don't like nagging and whining, but if I am, that means something is seriously wrong. I NEED AN OFF BUTTON, Seriously!

Sometimes I think to travel would be the best thing to do in order to get back on my feet, but when I think about it, I think travel is overrated. Media always promotes travel amazingly, they show it as if it will change your life. But the effect of travel is only short-term, yes its nice and it affects your mood positively afterwards, but for how long? Not long enough for it to be the answer.

When things are bad, don't run away, solve the problem. List down the things that are bothering you so much and start scratching them one by one, I just answered my misery.

That's what I'm going to do, I will make a list of all the bad things that are going on, organize the priorities by the level of annoying-ness (yes, I know that's not a word), and start finding solutions to them one by one. I can't keep on hoping that something will happen while I'm sitting on my a** and doing nothing about it. Miracles don't happen in this lifetime, and definitely not to me.

Let's all move our a**es and start doing something about our lives.

Surf Safely,
Dreamer!

All The Things I Wanna Learn

I am a learner. I don't think I have ever excelled in doing anything, possibly because I always find something new I want to learn and then forget about the earlier things. I am awful in that way.

So I decided to make this list so I don't drift away from my goals. Here are all the things I want to learn:

1. Programming & Coding.
2. Photography.
3. Roller Skating - Too old for that?.
4. Swimming.
5. Driving Manual.
6. Drifting.
7. A third language and maybe forth (Japanese and French).
8. Gardening - as a hobby.
9. Sewing and knitting - Why not?.
10. Graphic designing.
11. Carpentering - Pretty odd, but seriously.
12. Baking.

New:

   13. Diving
   14. Skydiving

And the list goes on. I shall keep updating it. And scratching off what I have accomplished.
This list has to be done in five years (if I'm blessed to live that long).

Sometimes I call myself "The jack of all trades, master of none" - Sadly. I think I might never know what is it that I'm best at, and what I should master. And I find nothing wrong with that somehow. That doesn't mean that I am lost, it means I have a chance to learn more, and I can take my time learning. Even Islam tells us to keep learning no matter what our age is, Right?.


P.S.: I've been away from the blog for a long time, I'll try to blog more from now on I promise.. ;)


For now, Surf Safely,
Dreamer!.

People of The Toilet Institute

You must run into one of those at least once in your life and they'd make a huge impact. You'll either hate the world or hate yourself and suicide. You're probably wondering what's up with the name, people of the toilet institute?! Well the one ruining my life currently tends to go to the toilet so often, and I actually believe that such people belong there. Yes, it should be written in there passport somewhere (Hometown: Toilet!).

So here's the deal with those people, when you meet them first, they are the sweetest, well behaved, generous, caring, gentle, and all-in-one type of person. They suck you in immediately and you start wanting to be around them and listen to them and maybe be like them. Which is just exactly what they want from you. But as soon as you are fooled by their great charm, BAAM!! here comes the other face..

"The other face" is basically the real them. Obnoxious. Two-faced, back stabbing people who pretend to be your BFF. They talk about you behind your back all the time, and talk about other people to you as well. They find the littlest, stupidest thing to make an issue of, that it would be so lame to argue with them and therefore they'd win. But then its pointless to argue anyway because whatever it is, ITS YOUR FAULT! Oh yeah, they're such perfect people, how dare you say its her fault? She can't make mistakes she's Goddess.

Now the institute is basically made of 95% women, 4% men, and 1% animals. Women women women! Mostly spinsters and divorcees. They are so annoying coz basically they hate life and they want everyone else in the world to be the same! My boss has actually once told me not to ever think about marriage and focus on my career, and she's a spinster btw. She goes to work at dawn and stays at least til' 8 pm.

Sometimes I petty them. Its sad, their lives I mean, sometimes I try to understand and not muck or hate them coz I know they must have gone throu something in their lives that made them become this way, and its not in their hands to control it. I only fear becoming like them when I get older, I AM a Female after all, it could be in my genes :P

For now, let's just hope that I don't turn to that road. And if I do, God forbid, you are totally entitelled to shoot me in the head!!

Surf Safely,
Dreamer!

Change..

I believe everything happens for a reason. Don’t little things sometimes happen to you, and then later on something else happens that makes you understand why the first thing happened to you? As in a little problem or a person you met or something you discovered helps you with something else later on. It could be a lesson you learn, or a realization of facts.. Sometimes it’s something big that will make you change completely and permanently. That has happened to me.

I mean I always try to enhance from little things and understand why things work out the way they do. There’s always a reason for your suffering! It’s something better that God has kept for you just if you have a little patience, you’ll get to it. And every time it happens, something changes in me. I change daily and I try to become the best person I could be. A dear person’s death could really change you.. It could either make you a better or a worse person. And the change would be drastic. A death of a friend is just inconsolable. As I believe friends are gifts from God, meeting those unique yet similar to you people, getting to know them, seeing how they stand beside you for no reason, teach you what they know and just love you for no reason at all is a great gift from God. And losing that gift has unexplainable sorrow. And then you’d think; what if I die tomorrow? Will they remember me? Will they pray for me? Did I make a difference? Did I help someone become a better person? Was it enough and was it all that I could have done? I am also a gift from God so did I use myself well?

So I decided to change all the bad things I see in myself. To become a better person, a better Muslim! I’m quitting a lot of things that I used to do.. And now is the hard part. When you force yourself to get changed, a lot of things and people try to stop it. The little devil in everyone and in you tries to make you the worse person that you could turn to. But I have faith. I have decided and no one can change my mind. For I know that this is the right thing to do – This is my right decision.

I don’t think I’ll ever become good enough for me, I’ll always want to be better. I want to excel!

Surf Safely,

Dreamer!